Incense and all that Jazz...

Well tonight, I went to my first ever High Anglican Mass, at St.Martins in Roath. Its a very High Anglican Church, and apparently is more Catholic than most Catholic Churches. Exciting eh?! I've been to Mass before...but this was very very different. It was the Annunciation of the Lord...exactly 9 months before the birth of Jesus...so apparently its the day that God made Mary pregnant. (Obviously not literally...I know that, just can't think of another way to say it.)

For a start, I had never thought about the day Jesus was placed in Mary's womb, and never before have I been in anything that was so centred on Mary. It was very surreal. As soon as I walked in I thought it was a little strange. I kind of liked the incense..and the stillness. It felt quite reverent, and in that way I liked it. One of the things I find off-putting at Army, is that sometimes I think we chat too much before the meeting starts, and don't get into a place of stillness and peace before beginning certain acts of worship. It's not always possible, but sometimes I think it would be an amazing way to start worship.

In some ways, a lot of the Mass seemed quite robotic. People repeating things because thats the "done thing". But in other ways, it was nice. The fact that their Doctrine is so well-known by the congregation was lovely, and seeing people kneel in prayer was pretty cool.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about the idea of Communion. In some senses, tonight affirmed for me that I don't think its completely necessary. It kinda seemed surplus to requirements if that makes sense? As a physical act, its not something I feel we need to do. But the representation of what its supposed to mean spiritually is something we need to be doing regularly. In some ways every meal we eat should be representative of the Eucharist...that's something that I don't feel we really have in the forefront of our minds when we eat.
I think there's such a huge danger in placing too much emphasis on the actual ritual act. Symbols and Rituals that are repeated too repetitively CAN become empty.

It's not that taking Communion is wrong or un-christian, thats definitely not what i'm saying at all. It can be a deeply spiritual experience, that can enrich a person's relationship with God when used with the right mindset.

On the whole I did enjoy it. It was strange, and probably the most Catholic Aglican Church i've ever been in. But mainly the reason I enjoyed it was because it affirmed that I don't need to partake in certain rituals. I don't feel inspired to take communion, suddenly since going to Mass. And, no Gemma I haven't converted :)
But the reverence of the whole thing was inspiring, and the music was pretty lush. I think that the only way to really know what I think, is to try it a few times, so i'll let you know on Sunday...;) I'm hoping my Army hoody will recover from all the incense...if not Jeannie will kill me on Sunday!

Sometimes you just need to open your mouth and let your belly rumble...

Firstly, Youth Chorus tonight was awesome. It's totally amazing to be part of such a spirit-filled group of people. I'm so proud of what we are able to do as a group. And the fact that we are able to feel comfortable with eachother in the fun times as well as the serious stuff is truly amazing.
Tonight also got me thinking....

I've been really challenged in the past week or so by a couple of people, who probably don't know that they've done it. One was a lecturer at uni, and the other was a mate of mine.
Firstly one of my Lecturers made a lighthearted comment about how my passion for my faith and sharing my knowledge was inspirational. It totally shocked me that he felt that way. To start off, I think my insane-ness about certain things can be off-putting, and sometimes i just get way too involved in what I'm saying. But he clearly said that he thought my excitement for Jesus was catching. Scary eh? Now your probably thinking that I'm mental for not just taking the compliment? Yep i know it seems stupid, but i found it really daunting. Like I had something to live up to now. It took me a few days to step back and think...actually yeah I think its supposed to be a positive thing. Bluh I'm so idiotic sometimes.

And then when I was reading my friend's Blog the other day I was really struck by something he said. He was talking about how the small things you can do in people's lives can be really amazing. And how things that may seem trite and obvious to us, can be huge to someone else in their situation. My mate's 'ramble', really challenged me to see the seemingly insignificant things in my life and to try to give them the importance they deserve. To us, our ramblings may seem aimless, but God may have a plan for that ramble, and it could (techincally) change a whole heap of things...even the world!(Luther-King did it!haha)
So there we go, an insight into the moosh of my brain.

Again with the Baptism...

Well...I'm back to my age old chat about Baptism again, and I've discovered someone who, I think, I agree with. Yep...it's Paul. :)

Romans 2:28-9 says "A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. No a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision of the heart, by the spirit, not by the written code. Such a man's praise is not from men, but God."
He talks of being a literal Jew and whether this is important when it comes to Salvation. Being brought into the family of God by this 'circumcision of the heart' is very important. He's trying to stress the idea that anyone is acceptable,no matter what their physical bits and pieces, to God. :)
So what about Baptism? Paul only actually uses the word 3 times in his writings. (Romans 6:3-4) He states that there is a justification for Baptism. It is a means for God to bring people into the experience of Jesus' death and resurrection. It siginifies, for Paul, being taken under and then rising up with Jesus.

But are we Baptising infants or believers? Was Paul Baptising infants or believers?
Because he is addressing the 1st Century Church it is likely that he Baptised converts. Baptism marked the point of conversion, and his metaphors regarding Baptism referred to converts in the first century. It seems that Baptism was seen by him as evangelistic rather than pastoral as it is often seen now. It marked the point of conversion for believers at that time.

I don't think Paul used Baptism as a replacement for Circumcision..He wanted people to come to Christ whatever their background or previous religious experience. Jews, Gentiles, Pagans...all were and are welcome.


So what does this mean for me? Hmmmm well it just feels like the ideas I've been having about Baptism etc have kinda fallen into place. I fully believe that Baptism can be so important, whether physically or spiritually. But i strongly believe that we need to Baptise BELIEVERS, through the working of the Holy Spirit. Dedicating a childs life to God is not Baptism, it is a promise that the parent will aim to lead their child to a life with God. I think choice in the matter of faith is so important. We need to choose to be followers, each in God's time, in his way.

Necessary for Salvation?

I have been thinking a lot about Baptism in the past few weeks, and have probably annoyed everyone going on about it. But some of the arguments regarding it, really get me angry! In most ways, i think the idea of Baptism is lovely, and can be a really blessed experience. But at the same time, I don't agree with the idea that it is an essential part of being a Christian.

In a lecture a few weeks ago, someone said that being physically baptised makes us acceptable to God, and its the only way for us to enter heaven. Suggesting that Baptising infants was a way in which to make them acceptable to society and to God, no matter what their background. The thing is...noone is unable to come to God, regardless of their circumstance or however troubled their past. The idea that the only way to heaven is through physical baptism is not something that I can get my head around. The God that I know and love doesn't ask for such things.
If we think of things in that way, Most of the people in the Salvation Army are unacceptable to God, and no matter what they do (apart from being Baptised)they cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.
WHAT?! In no way would God require such a ritual for our Salvation. Surely Salvation is about our personal relatonship with God and our faith in him? We are saved by God's grace and love alone, not by a ritual act performed by a human being.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I disagree with Baptism, I just don't feel that it is essential in making us Christians. I think, for some people, the act of Baptism can be an amazing experience that can bring someone closer to God and can enrich their relationship with him. But does that mean that it is the only way for us to get close to God?

It seems clear to me that Baptism is not just a physical act. I have been baptised in the Holy Spirit, and in that way have been made right with God. In this way I don't think God necessarily asks us for any outward symbols of his grace within us. But if that is what inspires us, then he will gladly accept our offering of worship.

'head' worship or 'heart' worship?

Well...over the past week i've been pondering ideas about worship. Like, what is worship? Is it a ritual act or sacrament? Or is it who we are, what we do, how we act?
What's it all about?

I see worship as a lifestyle. As long as we do things for the glory of God and to honour him, then its worship. Every mundane thing we do interests God. I think sometimes i forget that. If your heart is in it, then its beautiful to him.

This morning in a lecture at Uni, one of the BTh students, who is on their way to being an Anglican Minister, suggested that it was inappropriate to expect people to partake in worship that was not the style they were comfortable with. She suggested that, as leaders, we should do some sort of 'market research' to try to work out what people like and dislike and find something that the majority are comfortable with. It just majorly struck me that actually that shouldn't be the reason for worship. It is not about us. The way we worship isn't about how we feel, or what we think of it. Its about God. It's all for his glory.

Another point that was raised was that people shouldn't be expected to sing upbeat songs if they are not in a good mood, or if they are having a hard time. It just got to me that they really firmly believed that worshipping in that way was about how WE feel about it, and what WE like to do, and what WE see as acceptable. It seemed silly to suggest that if we're not in a good mood then we shouldn't be expected to give God glory in our worship. Can you imagine what would have happened if Jesus decided he couldn't be bothered to glorify God, by dying for our sins because he wasn'tin a good mood, or because he didn't feel like it?! Somehow I think we need to re-think that idea, and realise again that no...it isn't about us.

A lot of the time we think that acceptable worship is only what is beautiful. What sounds good, or looks nice or fits into our comfortable idea of what is right. But sometimes the most beauty comes from the unexpected. God loves every sincere worship we offer to him.

Are aestheitcs important to God? NO! But that doesn't mean we should just give him any old rubbish. But at the same time, we shouldn't ever think that the worship we offer to him is not good enough, just because it doesn't seem perfect to us.

Sometimes I find it hard to take part in and act of worship without thinking too much about why i'm doing things a certain way, or about the way I act or the way I look. But if I take a step back, I can see that none of that is important. If my heart is in it, then it can't be wrong.

"I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus"

Are you so heavenly minded that you are of no earthly use?

"You are so heavenly-minded that you are of no earthly use!"
This quote has been quite poignant in the last few weeks. I have discussed it a lot with a few different people, and have so far decided that its pretty spot-on. Even if, at first, it seems a little strange.
Sometimes we strive so much to be heavenly, we forget those around us, and forget to think of their feelings and needs.
The quote goes on to say " Only when you are heavenly minded will you be of any earthly use." which I think is trying to tell us that we need to strike a balance between being in tune with God, and remembering the world which he has placed us in. Because, despite everything, he has put us where we are for a purpose, even if it doesn't always seem clear at the time. He knew what he was doing when he created us.

God placed us here for a reason, with a mission. We are caretakers of his world and the people in it, and that very fact is amazing. We are not mistakes, or the after-effect of a chance decision. Our timing and placement is no accident. But what are we really here for? As a universal gathering of Christians, what is our purpose?
I don't quite know if I clearly have a focus or a grip of what our purpose as a church is. As the Salvation Army, we are called to serve others in love. But do we really do that? Is it out of love, or duty? And is one bound to the other? Can we separate our love for others, from a sense of duty? Doing things just because we feel we should, or because thats what is expected of us. .

Its been playing on my mind that I don't always have time for other people. I think I get so caught up in the busy, working aspect of being part of a church, that I sacrifice other things. I don't always make enough time to listen to people, or to spend time with friends or family. Somehow, I don't think thats what God intends for us. But at the same time, I am selfish with my time. Not making enough time to talk to God. Looking at whether the practical issues in my Christian life are running smoothly rather than thinking about how healthy my spiritual life is in itself.

Its just really gets to me that sometimes, as a christian, I focus on the wrong things. Or sometimes i think that i'm onto a winner and i'm thinking about the right things, but to the detriment of everything else in my life. We can have relationships, and friendships and fun and that doesn't mean we aren't living our lives for God. He wants us to be happy and fulfilled, and to live lives that honour him. That is an amazing aim, to live lives that wholly honour God. And I believe that its achievable. But I don't think God wants us to sacrfice relationships with others to make it happen. He loves us and created us purposefully, and there's a reason he didn't just leave the world with one person on it. But, at the same time I know that doesn't mean we can just do whatever we want, and explain it away by saying that God wouldn't want us to be bored, or on our own! We still need to be aware of the consquences of our actions.
I want my life to be an act of worship, in every single way and that should include my family life, friends, uni...even including the things that don't always seem to be God-focused on the surface. I just think that in some ways I can be so selfish with my time, and my energy. Always inwardly looking at myself and what I need to do, and how to make MY life better for myself and for God. But what about looking to others, and seeing what I can do for them? By no means, will i ever be as selfless as Mother Teresa, or as compassionate as Archbishop Tutu...but there's nothing wrong with giving it a go.

It seems that we need to strike a "healthy balance between living firmly IN this world and living firmly FOR the next world." Simple right?

I'm so aware that I all I ever do is ask questions, and never seem to answer any. Its an affliction, and I'm working on it. :)

Who am I? And Who are you?

"Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?"
Sometimes I take it for granted just exactly how amazingly fortunate I am.
I've been contemplating a few things over the past few days. Mainly about the nature of God, and who I see him as, and whether the way i've always thought of God is actually right or not. Maybe I have been too easy on myself, making excuses and using the age old 'God Loves Me' line to explain away everything. As much as this is the essential truth, when everything else is stripped away. Maybe i'm abusing it, and letting that truth outweigh my actions. Explaining my behaviour away by saying 'it's ok, God loves me anyway'. So in that way, i'm challenging myself this week. To not just justify things in that way anymore. To be accountable to myself and to God for the things that I do and say. Its flippin hard work though. And this Purpose Driven Life thing is a lot harder than i first thought it was going to be. I had kind of thought it would be a nice wee bible study thing for Lent, that would encourage me and make me feel good. But its been challenge after challenge. Not that its a bad thing at all, because obviously I needed that challenge. But it feels like everytime i'm picking myself up and dusting myself off, the next days truck comes and smacks me in the face. But on the other hand it's been amazing too. It's prompted conversations with people that I never thought could happen, its opened up ideas that i had never considered. But at the same time its helped me to realise that you don't always have to agree with everything somebody says to find it useful. I don't agree with a heap of the stuff that Mr. Warren says in his book, but that can be an amazing challenge in itself, and i'm thankful for that.

Evil and the God of Love?

In our flat (and various other places) this week, we have been discussing the question of Evil. Whether God created evil, or allows it? It seems such a huge question, and everyone we have spoken to has been massively challenged or overwhelmed by the enormity of it .
Revelation 4:11 says "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to recieve glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."
So I know that, yes, in fact God created ALL things. So evil was also created by him. Something in that doesn't seem to fit. And that raises the issue of theodicy. What kind of God are we believing in? A God of LOVE. One that does everything for us, and gave everything to set us free from the bonds of sin. SO why would a God of Love create evil? Are we too romantic in our idea of God? Do we see it as a story that will obviously end with a hollywood flourish? A fairytale, mushy, lovely God who wouldn't do anything to cause harm?

The truth is, I just don't know. I'm swamped by the enormity of the idea. It challenges my perception of God on a massive scale, and I don't quite know where i'm going with it. In everyway it would seem so much simpler to just say that God allows evil, and to keep our happy little bubble from bursting, but that doesn't seem to sit right with at the moment, and its just not enough for me. Anyway, i'm going to stop blabbing cause if not i'll go on for ages, and end up in the same place. If you have any words of wisdom, or want to talk about it, please let me know. :)